Learning Curve Read online

  Ash looked down at her shoes. She didn’t know what to say to that. Yesterday she would have scoffed at the idea that any woman was worth forgoing all others for, but she was still shaken up by her conversation in the kitchen with Carrie.

  “It wasn’t even really a conscious choice,” Sharon said. “I just knew I wanted her more than I’d ever want anyone else. Then next thing I knew, I had a wife, a baby, and a picket fence.” She sounded awfully content with how her life had turned out.

  Ash couldn’t help but wonder if that was what Carrie had been talking about when she mentioned a woman worth building a family with.

  “Don’t you ever miss the thrill of the chase?” she asked Sharon.

  “Occasionally I think about it, but then I look at Annie and Mary, and I realize I’m not missing a thing.”

  Ash couldn’t decide whether she found this answer disturbing or comforting. The events of the past twenty-four hours had her second-guessing herself, and she didn’t like the feeling. “I think the hot dogs are done,” Sharon finally said, bringing Ash back to the situation at hand. “Think we should head back into the three-ring circus that’s taken over my house?”

  “I guess if we don’t go in soon, they’ll probably send a search party,” Ash responded.

  “Come on,” Sharon said as they headed inside. “If we present a unified front, we might be able to get some football on TV.”

  *

  The crowd gathered around the food laid out along the kitchen counter and tables. A jumble of hands filled red plastic plates with burgers and dogs, corn on the cob, and various other staples of a Midwest cookout. Ash made her way through the line, taking at least one helping of everything. With the weather already turning cooler, this would probably be her last cookout for a good five or six months.

  She wandered through the house to the living room, where most of the teens were eating in front of the TV. Carrie was nowhere to be seen, so Ash sat on the couch, balancing her plate on her knees. She was just shoveling a spoonful of Mary’s famous bacon-baked-beans into her mouth when she felt someone plop down next to her. She didn’t have to even look up to know that the thigh rubbing against hers was Tess’s.

  Ash rolled her eyes at the blatant invasion of her personal space, but she didn’t want to let the girl get a rise out of her. Tess was wearing skintight jeans and an equally snug turtleneck. She was a little overdressed for a cookout, but Ash realized the look was probably intentional. With a polite smile, she shifted so there was minimal contact between their bodies.

  “So,” Tess said coyly. “What did you do last night?”

  “Sorry, kiddo.” Ash chose a patronizing tone. “You have to reach puberty before I can tell you stories like that.”

  Tess acted if the remark hadn’t been made. “Maybe we could share little black books sometime.”

  “I’m sure the girls at your middle school would enjoy that kind of game, but you’re out of your league with me.”

  “Actually I’m in high school, but if you like ’em young I’m sure I could pretend.”

  “Wow, you really do live in a fantasy world, don’t you?” Ash returned her attention to her food.

  Tess didn’t accept the dismissal. “We all have fantasies. I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

  Ash sighed heavily. She couldn’t figure out why Tess kept trying to drag her into these types of discussions when she made her disapproval obvious. She glanced around, hoping none of the adults had tuned in to the conversation. Wondering whether she should simply get up and leave the room, she said, “Go bug someone else.”

  “Why? I’m not your type?”

  “How ’bout those Bears?” Ash said pleasantly. “They’re off to a great start this year.”

  But Tess was determined to get under her skin. “You like older women, then? Someone more settled, more respectable? Someone, like, I don’t know, maybe a professor?”

  Ash felt a cold chill run down her spine. “Watch it, kid.”

  “You dated Mary, she teaches elementary. Then on to Amy, she’s got high school covered…”

  Ash gritted her teeth, fighting the urge to retort in kind. Normally she wouldn’t let a kid bug her so much, but Tess seemed to know which buttons to push. Determined not to allow the girl to get her riled up, she gave her a bored look and got to her feet.

  “Don’t get all bent out of shape,” Tess called as she walked away. “I don’t blame you for being hot for teacher.”

  Ash spun around quickly, feeling her temper slipping out of control but unable to do anything about it. Everyone in the room had fallen silent, staring expectantly. “You need to learn to show some respect for the women in your life,” she said angrily. “Until you do, stay out of my way.” With that she grabbed her coat off the rack and shut the door too hard on her way out.

  Taking deep breaths of the cool autumn air, she sat on the porch swing and tried to figure out why Tess hit such a nerve with her and why the mere mention of Carrie was enough to make her snap. Wasn’t Tess just some punk teenager? Wasn’t Carrie perfectly capable of defending her own honor? Wasn’t she the one who just wanted to live and let live? What happened to things being uncomplicated? What happened to the lovely Ritas of the world? Rita. Was that really just three days ago? It seemed so much further away than that. She wondered what had changed so drastically since Thursday night.

  Behind her, the front door opened and she hung her head, expecting Mary to step out and scold her for failing to control her temper. But the sweet smell of Carrie’s shampoo tickled her senses as Carrie took the seat next to her on the swing. They sat quietly for a few seconds, rocking gently back and forth, Ash trying to keep her head from spinning. She couldn’t believe this woman was so intoxicating to her. Having her so close made Ash’s stomach clench with nerves and some other feeling she wasn’t used to. She wished she could come up with a smart observation, but her usual throwaway lines eluded her.

  “I’m sorry,” Carrie finally said.

  “You’re sorry?” Ash fought not to melt into those deep blue eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  “I’m not sure exactly what happened in there, but I’ve known Tess for a long time, so I’ve got a pretty good idea. She has quite the talent for knowing how to get to people.”

  “Yes, she does, but that doesn’t justify me blowing my top.”

  “Ash, I know we don’t know each other well.” Ash’s heart skipped a beat as she heard her name roll off Carrie’s tongue. “But would you consider doing me a favor?”

  “Just name it.” She kicked herself for sounding too eager, but at that moment she would have done anything to get Carrie to smile at her again. She couldn’t figure out why that smile sent her over the edge, but she was quickly becoming addicted to Dr. Carrie Fletcher. There was no point denying it.

  “Will you promise me you won’t give up on Tess?”

  “Give up? I don’t mean to sound rude, but I don’t know what there is to give up on.” Ash felt her will buckle at the hint of sadness on Carrie’s face.

  Carrie paused, oddly affected by the look in Ash’s eyes. For some reason, she felt the need to make Ash see the potential she saw in Tess. “She hasn’t always been like this. She used to be a happy kid. She’s just been knocked around so much that she’s becoming jaded.”

  “Yeah?” Ash seemed interested. “How long have you known her?”

  “A little over five years. I had just started working at the university, bought my first house, and when I showed up to move in, Tess was climbing the tree in my front yard.” Carrie smiled at the memory. She would give anything to see a glimpse of that happy kid again. “She just invited herself in and seemed to have a comment for everything I unpacked.”

  “That sounds like Tess.”

  “She was smart and wild, and I realized very quickly that her mother hated both of those things about her.” Carrie tried to read Ash’s expression. Was any of this registering? Mary had said that Ash was a lot like Tes
s when she was a teenager: strong willed, rebellious. Would she be able to draw that link herself, or was the possibility of a connection just wishful thinking?

  “So you took her in?” Ash asked.

  “I tried to help as much as I could. That’s why I’ve been bringing her to the center for the past two years, but her mother isn’t very accommodating.”

  “Tess seems to be able to stand up for herself pretty well.”

  “I know she can come on pretty strong, but she’s still just a teenager. She shouldn’t have to go through everything on her own. She deserves to be cared for. She deserves to have people who can show her a life where she can be herself without having to fight all the time.”

  Can you be one of those people, Ash? Carrie wondered silently. She reasoned that while Tess was used to getting reactions out of people, it was rare that anyone was able to truly go toe-to-toe with her the way Ash did. That wasn’t necessarily a positive, but it was something, and at this point anything was better than nothing.

  “I’m really not sure what I can do to help,” Ash said. “But if you want me to, I’ll try to keep my mind open.”

  “Thanks.” Carrie smiled. “That’s all I ask.”

  She wasn’t sure exactly what she expected, she just knew she had to keep trying. Somewhere deep down was the Tess she remembered, a kid untouched by the cynicism and bitterness Carrie now saw in her. She still held out hope that Tess could be that kid again. In the meantime, Carrie didn’t want her alienating everyone who could help her.

  *

  The rest of the afternoon went without incident. As the after-lunch lethargy set in, people sprawled out in various places around the house to watch TV or just talk to one another. Ash spent most of her time lying on the couch pretending to be engrossed in a football game. Occasionally she and Sharon would comment on a particularly good or bad play, but for the most part Ash was left to her thoughts. She must have dozed off awhile because she didn’t notice people leaving.

  When she finally looked around, it was almost five p.m. and she, Carrie, and Tess were the only visitors left. Tess lay on the floor idly stacking blocks into towers with Annie, and Carrie and Mary were wiping down tables and counter tops. Sharon was asleep in the recliner across the room.

  Ash sat up and stretched her legs before standing up. She was heading for the kitchen, but felt a tug on the bottom of her pant leg. She looked down to see Annie pointing at the block tower she and Tess had built.

  Ash smiled and crouched between the girls. “That is great, Annie. Did you make it?”

  The child smiled and nodded vigorously. As an afterthought, she pointed to Tess as if to say, She helped, too.

  Ash laughed. “Well, then, you both did a good job.”

  “Really, it was nothing.” Tess feigned a regal air. “I’d really just like to thank all the little people that helped me on the way up.”

  “Did you hear that, Annie? She called you a little person,” Ash teased. “You’re a big girl, aren’t you? How big are you?”

  Annie, taking her cue to perform, stood up on her tiptoes and stretched her arms up as high as she could get them.

  “Oh yeah, she’s so big!” Ash finished the routine. With a wink to Tess, she added, “See, she’s a big girl.”

  Tess gave both of them a genuine smile, the first Ash had seen out of her, and said, “Okay, big girl, ready to knock it down?”

  That was all the invitation Annie needed. She swung her hand right to the base of the tower and squealed with delight as it came crashing to the floor. Ash and Tess laughed, and so did Carrie. Ash hadn’t seen her come around the corner from the kitchen to the living room carrying a stack of folding chairs.

  “Here, let me help with those.” Ash jumped up.

  “I’ve got these,” Carrie answered, “but you can get the rest of them from the kitchen if you want to help. Mary said they go in the attic closet.”

  “Sure, I wanted to show you around up there before you left anyway.”

  “Great.” Carrie smiled.

  “Great,” Ash echoed, shaking her head at how silly she sounded.

  By the time she made it to the top of the attic stairs, Carrie had already stacked her chairs in the closet. Ash propped the remaining few against the wall and walked over to her. “It’s not a masterpiece or anything, but it was pretty rough up here when I started.”

  She ran her fingers over the soft baby blue windowsill. The room was small, but it was light and airy, decorated in whites and blues and yellows. The ceilings slanted gently toward the floor, but there was a window set back into a dormer on each of its four sides, creating the illusion of having more space.

  “It’s beautiful,” Carrie said, taking in the entire room.

  “The floorboards are the originals. I just refinished them,” Ash said. “There were big nails coming through the ceiling, so I put up some insulation and drywalled it. Then I found the wood trim that matched the floor.”

  “I can’t believe you did all this.”

  “Well, when Mary was pregnant with Annie, she and Sharon turned her old studio into the nursery.” Ash stepped closer to Carrie. “I thought Mary would need a space that she could have to herself, to paint or write or whatever.”

  “A room of one’s own,” Carrie said softly.

  “Yeah, something like that.”

  Ash took the final step, closing the distance between them. She gazed directly into those deep blue eyes and couldn’t help but feel like she could see straight into Carrie’s soul. They stood there face-to-face, suspended for an eternity, before Ash lowered her head slightly, breathing in Carrie’s sweet scent. But just before their lips met, Carrie turned away and crossed hastily to the bookcases on the other side of the room.

  Ash wasn’t sure what had happened, but the connection between them was broken.

  “And these bookshelves, did you make them, too?” Carrie asked with just the slightest hint of shakiness.

  “Um, yeah.” Ash swallowed hard, her head spinning wildly. She struggled to regain her composure. “They were harder than I expected. The floors are uneven, so I had to adjust the shelves to keep them from being slanted, but you know, Mary’s a teacher, so she has a lot of books and not enough space for all of them.”

  “I know the feeling.” Carrie sighed. “I would love to have something like this for my office.”

  “I could take a look sometime. Maybe I could build you some shelves.”

  “Oh, no.” Carrie looked flushed. “I mean, I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

  “Why? Are the floors uneven in there, too?” Ash tried to joke.

  Carrie laughed nervously. “No, it’s just that I know you must be busy.”

  “Actually,” Ash ran her hand through her hair, trying to recall the jobs she had lined up, “I’m busy tomorrow, but I’m completely open Tuesday and Wednesday.”

  “I don’t know.” Carrie looked uneasy.

  “It wouldn’t hurt for me to just come look and see if I can do anything.” Ash wondered for a split second if she was pushing too hard, but she knew she had to see Carrie again and she couldn’t wait until next Saturday at the center. Was she really thinking of going back to that youth center?

  “I guess it wouldn’t hurt for you to come by on Tuesday afternoon,” Carrie said.

  Ash tried to keep the silly grin on her face to a minimum. “How about one?”

  “That would be fine.” Carrie smiled slightly. “I’m in Stetson Hall, office two-sixteen J. Do you know your way around the campus?”

  “I think I can find it.”

  “Okay, then, one o’clock Tuesday afternoon.”

  “Sounds great.” Ash kicked herself for not being more charming.

  “All right, then. I’d better get Tess home.”

  “I’ll put the rest of the chairs away.”

  “See you Tuesday.”

  “Yes, see you then.”

  As Carrie headed back down the stairs, Ash wasn’t sure whether to be disappoi
nted that she didn’t get the kiss that had seemed so imminent or overjoyed that she was going to see her again in less than forty-eight hours.

  *

  “Carrie left awfully quickly.” Mary stood at the kitchen sink, up to her elbows in soap suds. Annie was next to her in a high chair, happily tapping the food tray with a wooden spoon.

  Ash picked up a dish rag and began absentmindedly drying the plates Mary handed to her. She still wasn’t sure what had happened upstairs. She and Carrie had been so close, she’d been certain they were both feeling the same attraction to one another. So what went wrong?

  “What did you do to her?” Mary demanded, obviously reading the frustration on her face.

  “Nothing. I might be building her some bookshelves for her office. We were in the attic. She likes the work I did for you.”

  Mary eyed her suspiciously. “And?”

  “Nothing happened. I mean, I almost kissed her. We were inches away but we didn’t.”

  “You almost kissed her and now you might be building her a bookcase?” Mary raised her eyebrows.

  “I know. I mean I don’t know. Really, she’s confusing me.”

  “What do you want with her?” Mary asked bluntly.

  “I don’t know.”

  “I do. You want to,” Mary covered Annie’s ears and said in an exaggerated whisper, “have sex with her.”

  Ash let the wet plate she was holding slip from her hand and it crashed to the floor. “Shit,” she muttered, sending Annie into a fit of giggles.

  “Ash!” Mary scolded.

  “Sorry.” She stooped to pick up the pieces of the plate she’d dropped, thankful Mary wouldn’t see her blushing.

  “She’s got you all wound up.” Mary chuckled softly. “Are you sure it’s just sex you’re after this time?”

  “Yes. I mean no. Well, that’s certainly part of it.” Ash tried to laugh off the seriousness in her friend’s voice.

  “And then what? Add her to your long list of conquered women, move on to the next challenge?” Mary asked matter-of-factly.