The Long Way Home Read online

  “I’m working move-in at Preston Hall. You know what a madhouse that’ll be.”

  “Yup, better let you get to it.”

  Beth was clearly dismissing Patty, but if Patty knew it, she ignored the message. Maybe Beth was eager to get to work or, more likely, was uncomfortable with the lesbian mating ritual playing out in front of her. Although Beth was stunning standing there in the summer sunlight, Raine forced her attention back to Patty. Beth was dangerously off-limits, but Patty gave every indication she was available, and right now Raine needed to feel in control again.

  “Sounds like a big job. Why don’t I come along and offer a hand?” Raine asked.

  Beth cut Patty off before she could respond. “Raine, you don’t have to do that. You just got to campus.”

  Raine shrugged off Beth, who was obviously being gracious. “I don’t mind. It’ll be a good way for me to get out of the apartment and meet some people.”

  Beth glanced back and forth between Raine and Patty as if she wanted to say something more, but instead she sighed. “Have fun.”

  “You too,” Raine said as she and Patty turned to leave.

  “See you and Kel Sunday,” Patty called over her shoulder, and they were off.

  What was that about? Who worked on Sunday, and more importantly, who the hell was Kel? Beth’s husband? No, she didn’t wear a ring, and she still had her maiden name. A boyfriend? Raine tried to recall if she’d gone to school with any Kels, or Kellens, but couldn’t come up with anyone. But she’d been gone a long time. Beth could’ve met any number of good ole boys. In fact, it would be odd for a woman as beautiful as her not to be dating. Girls married young here in farm country, had a litter of kids, and turned into their mothers. That fact of life depressed Raine, but she couldn’t avoid it. Besides, who Beth spent time with wasn’t any of her business.

  But why was she obsessing over Beth? She’d just found a real, live lesbian in Darlington, Illinois, one that appeared eager to take her mind off her old demons and her new surroundings. Patty brushed against her as they walked. Her body was fit and firm, and Raine was going to spend the afternoon watching her lift heavy furniture. She had a brief image of flexing muscle and sweat glistening on skin, only neither of those things happened in a dorm lobby. Beth Devoroux and Kel whatever-his-last-name-was be damned. Raine needed to focus on getting better acquainted with Patty.

  *

  Beth slammed the stack of flyers on the front desk a little harder than necessary. Thankfully no one else was in the library to hear the satisfying snap of paper against Formica. She was still fuming about the way Patty had practically jumped Raine in the middle of the quad. That woman was shameless, flaunting her lesbianism and making blatant sexual overtures. Raine asked genuine questions about the campus climate, and Patty turned them into a come-on.

  “You should come with me sometime.” Beth mimicked Patty. How tacky could she be? And dragging Raine to work move-in when she should be settling in herself was poor manners. Beth wanted to pull Raine aside and let her know that Patty was young and impulsive, flighty, even, but Patty didn’t give her a chance, and then they ran off before Beth could warn Raine. Beth shouldn’t have introduced them. She was trying to put Raine in touch with professional connections. How was she supposed to know Patty would throw herself at her? The way Patty prattled on was embarrassing, but Beth couldn’t resist the urge to imitate her one more time. “I’ve read all your writing.”

  “Beth?”

  She jumped and yelped before she turned to see Kelly enter the room. “You scared me.”

  “Sorry.” Kelly peeked around the desk suspiciously. “I came in the back door. I didn’t know where you were, but I could hear you talking to someone.”

  Beth blushed at her own silliness. “No, I was talking to myself.”

  “There’s no one else here?”

  “No, everyone is working move-in today.”

  Kelly checked over her shoulder one more time before seeming to accept that they were really alone, then kissed Beth, a light peck on the lips. “I missed you, so I thought I’d stop by and help in the library.”

  “That’s sweet, but I don’t have much to do around here. I was about to go help in the dorms.”

  Kelly frowned. “I don’t know if I should show up with you. It might raise suspicions.”

  Beth nodded. She’d long ago given up trying to convince Kelly that simply being seen together didn’t mean they were publicly declaring their relationship. It wasn’t much of an issue with them anymore. Kelly was a private person, and Beth respected that fact even if she did find it inconvenient.

  “There’s really nothing for us to do in here?”

  Beth tried to think of something to kill time on, but she was ready to get out and interact with some of the students. “Yes. I should’ve been over there already, but I ran into Patty, and when I introduced her to Raine she got all goofy.”

  Kelly stiffened immediately. “What were you doing with her?”

  “Nothing.” Beth steeled herself for Kelly’s moral indignation. “I wasn’t really with her. I bumped into her on the quad right before Patty came by, so I introduced them and Patty pretty much took it from there.”

  Kelly snorted. “I bet she did.”

  “She was all over Raine, telling her how much she loved her writing.”

  “Raine? God, Beth, you don’t actually call her that, do you?”

  Beth tried to shrug the comment off, even though she found the name change disconcerting too. “She’s very sensitive about being called Rory. She’s been Raine for ten years, so I guess it’s weird to go back.”

  “It’s weird to change in the first place. Weird and pretentious. Who does that? And ‘Raine’ of all things. It’s not like she went from her nickname back to her full name, Loraine. At least that would’ve made sense.” Beth watched her pace. Kelly could be quite imposing, especially when she was agitated. Her eyes and hair were such a dark shade of brown that they were almost black, and they offset her pale skin. Her high cheekbones and the sharp line of her jaw only accentuated the stark contrast in her coloring, though her cheeks became increasingly pink as she continued her rant. “Raine isn’t even a real name. She made it up to get attention.”

  “Well, Patty gave her plenty of attention.” Beth’s frustration built again. “She practically swooned for her.”

  “I bet Rory loved that. She’ll do anything to get noticed.”

  “Not everyone wants to be closeted all the time.” Beth immediately regretted the statement.

  “Closeted? You mean discreet, respectable, or tasteful? She’s a disgrace to herself and this whole town. Whoever invited her back here should be fired.”

  Beth winced. She hoped Kelly was too absorbed in her tirade to notice how tense the comment had made her. She didn’t know why Kelly always made her feel defensive, but instead of defending the decision to hire Raine or explaining her own involvement in the hiring process, she tried to defuse Kelly’s anger with a diplomatic answer. “The college wanted someone edgy but with local ties to help the school seem less conservative.”

  “Fine, let them turn the guest-lecturer position into a freak show, but Rory better stay away from me,” Kelly said resolutely, then added, “At least Rory and Patty will keep each other busy for a while. They deserve each other.”

  At that comment Beth’s mind began to race with images of Raine and Patty together, and her face flamed with anger. She wanted to run over to Preston Hall, but why? What would she say? So Patty came on to Raine, why should she care? Raine didn’t seem to mind. Patty hadn’t dragged her away. Raine had gone willingly. Beth wasn’t Raine’s mother, or girlfriend, or even her friend. She was only some girl Rory had barely known was alive in high school. Her stomach turned at the thought.

  “Hey, you okay?” Kelly asked.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I need to get going.”

  “Sure. I understand.”

  “Can you come over tonight?” Beth made the request wi
thout stopping to consider it fully.

  Kelly was plainly surprised. “I’ve got church tomorrow morning, and we’ll see each other at Miles’s in the afternoon.”

  “I know that, but...I don’t know. It would be nice to spend some time together.”

  Kelly brightened and snuck another quick kiss before she headed for the door. “I could stop by for an hour or two.”

  Beth watched her go, wondering what had just happened. Kelly probably thought that by “spend some time together,” Beth meant “have sex.” Maybe she had. She wasn’t sure what she’d meant. But she needed to get her mind off Raine, and Kelly was the most pleasant distraction she had.

  *

  The steady stream of students that had filled the dorm lobby all day dwindled as the afternoon faded into early evening. With little left to do, Raine propped herself against a soda machine outside Preston Hall and watched Patty lift a mini-fridge out of one of the last pickup trucks. God, she’s ripped, Raine thought, not for the first time that day. Patty’s body was more than toned. She had firm muscles and a chiseled torso. She moved effortlessly even when carrying heavy or bulky items, and the display of power was a big turn-on. Raine would never have thought of herself as a size queen. In fact, most of the women she’d dated recently were absurdly thin, but watching Patty’s biceps flex and contract while she worked, Raine could certainly see the appeal in sporty dykes.

  Patty turned around and caught Raine watching, but Raine held her stare, and Patty rewarded her boldness with a smile. “You didn’t have to stay all day.”

  “I don’t have anywhere else to be,” Raine said honestly. “Nowhere with such a pleasant view anyway.”

  Patty’s blush was clearly visible in the dim light of dusk. “Well, we’re done here now, but we could go somewhere else if you want, maybe pick up some dinner.”

  Raine had a momentary flash of panic. She didn’t want to go out in Darlington. She’d done a great job of forgetting where she was all day, but if they left campus, she wouldn’t be able to escape the fact that she was back in her hellhole of a hometown. “I’m pretty sweaty and not really dressed for that.”

  Patty seemed disappointed.

  “We could do something less formal, though,” Raine said. While she wouldn’t go out in Darlington, she’d love to do some other things with Patty in a more private setting.

  Patty brightened but seemed nervous. “I’ve got a frozen pizza and a case of beer at home.”

  “Lead the way.”

  Raine followed Patty to her little Ford Tempo and prayed she didn’t live too far from campus. She knew she was being a little silly and that sooner or later she’d have to go into town, but she didn’t look forward to it.

  “What’s it like to live in Chicago?” Patty asked as she pulled out of the college’s main entrance.

  “It’s a great city. Nightlife, sports, theater, shopping, any kind of food you’d ever want.” Raine wasn’t interested in small talk. She was too busy scanning her surroundings. They were a few blocks into an older area of Darlington now. Raine’s grandparents had lived in this part of town, though they had passed away when she was in high school.

  Patty cut into Raine’s memories. “Is it bigger than St. Louis?”

  “What’s that?” Raine tried to refocus her attention. “St. Louis? That’s a great city too. Very different feel from Chicago, though, being right on the Mississippi.”

  “I go to St. Louis sometimes on the weekends to get away from this place. There’re some good gay bars...”

  Raine drifted off as she remembered what it used to be like to run for the nearest city. As soon as she was old enough to drive, she’d started sneaking down to St. Louis. Though it was an hour away, it was the closest thing she’d had to freedom at the time. The memories were still so fresh—confusion at being different, fear of being found out, anger at having to hide who she was. The houses they passed started to close in on her. This was the place she’d run from all those years ago.

  They pulled into the driveway of a small cottage-style house, and Raine breathed deeply to steady herself. Patty, thankfully, seemed oblivious to her discomfort and kept chattering about her trips to St. Louis all the way up her front steps and into the house.

  “Do you mind if I take a shower before I start dinner?” Patty asked once they settled in.

  “Not at all.”

  “Great. Help yourself to a beer. They’re in the fridge.”

  Raine watched her go, trying to refocus on her body and away from the world outside. Patty paused, turned around once more, and gave her a good look up and down.

  “What?” Raine asked.

  “I can’t believe Raine St. James is in my living room,” she said, then continued into what Raine assumed was a bedroom.

  The comment jolted Raine out of her maudlin mood, and she chuckled as she went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer. She heard the shower turn on as she stood staring out the front window. Some children were playing Wiffle ball in the yard across the street while a few adults sat on the porch watching them. A few minutes earlier this familiar scene from her childhood might have panicked her, but now she felt calm.

  Yes, she was in Darlington. No, she didn’t fit in, but she wasn’t seventeen anymore. She wasn’t even the girl who had grown up here. She was Raine St. James, famous for being a survivor. She’d created a new identify for herself, had a new role in life, and she’d learned to play it well. Raine was confident and defiant. Women admired her, wanted to be like her, wanted to be with her.

  Raine drew a long swig of her beer, her confidence increasing. Rory might’ve been scared into inaction when faced with a return to Darlington. Rory had bad memories. However, Raine had never even been here before, and Raine was here now. Rory had learned to be Raine in order to survive the fear and doubt that had consumed her. Patty wanted Raine, so she would get her.

  She strode purposefully down the hall and into the room Patty had entered. Raine noted the large bed to her right, an antique dresser and nightstand, and then a half-open door through which she could make barely make out the shower because of all the steam in the room.

  “Care for some company?” she called.

  “Um, sure.”

  The mix of nervousness and anticipation in Patty’s voice was obvious. Despite her early bravado and innuendo, she probably didn’t do this much, and Raine had to admit she was being a little forward even by her standards. She usually got to know women before she slept with them. She always provided drinks, dinner, and some nice conversation so she could get a feel for her date’s personality. She hadn’t had a lot of serious relationships, but she hadn’t had many one-night stands either. Tonight, though, she was eager for the main event. Sex was familiar. She was good at it and craved the control it provided.

  She quickly shed her clothes and opened the shower door. Patty’s firm body was everything Raine imagined it would be, but she hadn’t expected the uncertainty in Patty’s eyes and the shyness of her grin.

  “I’ve never done this before,” Patty said softly.

  “Never?” Raine stopped abruptly.

  Patty laughed. “No, no, that’s not what I meant. I mean I’ve never done it so soon after meeting someone.”

  Raine relaxed. “We can take all the time you need.” She kissed Patty, lightly at first before she ran her fingers up Patty’s arms to gently massage the tense muscles. As the kiss deepened, Patty’s mouth opened to accept Raine’s tongue, and she relaxed more fully to her touch. Raine cupped Patty’s small, pert breasts in each hand, and Patty’s confidence seemed to grow steadily as she put her hands on Raine’s hips and pulled her closer. Their slick skin slid together under the water, causing it to pool between them before it spilled over.

  When they finally broke their kiss long enough to catch a breath, Patty practically panted as she said, “Okay, I’m ready now.”

  *

  Kelly rolled off Beth, and they lay still and silent. They didn’t need to talk. They knew each othe
r’s bodies well after nearly eight years together. While the spark of the early days was gone, so was most of the awkwardness. They had a routine, a comfortable rhythm of lovemaking. The thrill of the unexpected had vanished, but the excitement of being together remained. When Kelly made love to her, Beth felt cared for.

  Kelly propped herself up on one elbow. “What’s on your mind, babe?”

  “I was thinking how good it is with you,” Beth said as she rolled on her side to face her lover.

  “It’s good with you too.” Kelly kissed her, a slow tender kiss. “I wish I didn’t have to go.”

  “Already?” Beth was surprised that the time had passed so quickly, but not that Kelly was leaving. They rarely spent the entire night together in order to avoid arousing the suspicion of their neighbors.

  “Yeah, I’m serving communion at church tomorrow.” Kelly sat up and reached for her pants.

  Beth watched her dress in the pale moonlight. She was attractive in any setting, but Beth found her most alluring without the sharp attire and power persona she wore in public. Beth liked to see Kelly’s dark, shoulder-length hair in disarray and the pale shades of her skin left uncovered. This Kelly was gentler, less guarded, more human than the image she projected to the rest of the world. This was the side of Kelly she wished she could have in her life full-time instead of only a few times a week.

  “Okay. I’ll see you out.” Beth began to get up.

  “No, stay.” Kelly kissed her once more. “I’ll see you at Miles’s tomorrow afternoon. Until then I want to hold on to this image of you.”

  “I love you,” Beth said. It was the only thing to say when Kelly talked like that.

  Kelly stopped in the bedroom doorway and smiled. “Love you too.”

  Then she was gone. Beth stared at the ceiling, listening for the door to close and the car to pull out of her driveway. She didn’t know when she’d begun the habit, but it was part of her wind-down routine now. Once the sounds of Kelly’s departure faded, she relaxed fully into her bed.