Edge of Glory Page 24

“Or any of your bones,” Holly called after her.

  “Right, none of those, either,” Elise said.

  They watched in silence for several minutes as Corey marked a spot for the ramp and a safe landing, then began to pack snow onto both areas. Even the older kids got into the mix, piling on and patting down.

  “She’s going to overdo it,” Holly said.

  “How do you know?” Paolo asked.

  “She always does.” Holly’s voice was full with love and admiration, such a contrast to Meg’s frustration.

  “Sounds like someone else I know,” Paolo said.

  “Was it someone who arrived with her this morning?” Holly teased. “Someone who looks like she spent more time awake than sleeping?”

  “I’m standing right here,” Elise said.

  “You were probably up late waiting for Santa to come,” Paolo said. “We were, too.”

  Elise briefly considered making a joke about him doing something wrong because she and Corey never had to wait long for someone to come, but instead her face flushed. Comments like that rarely even occurred to her. Corey’s twelve-year-old-boy mentality must’ve worn off on her. Besides, he looked too happy to make any jokes at his expense. He’d clearly shaved that morning, and his smile stretched his whole face as he stood behind Holly, his arms around her waist and his hands in her front coat pockets as they both faced the children playing in the snow down below. How long would it be before they added their own kids to the mix?

  The thought hit her chest like the cold air coming down the mountain. Paolo and Holly would last. There were no pros and cons to consider, no questions about how, only the easy assumption they’d spend many more Christmases like this. They belonged together, and they would be. Life worked that way sometimes, for some people, and yet the concept still felt foreign. Maybe because she’d never seen it play out in real life, at least not in any life close to her own. She’d always believed her job, or her drive, or her competitiveness ruled out similar possibilities. And yet, didn’t Paolo and Holly share her same work-life constraints? Holly was good at her job, and Paolo was certainly every bit as driven as any competitor Elise had ever faced. And yet they would be here again next year, and she likely would not.

  “Are you having a nice Christmas?” Paolo asked, pulling her out of her reflection.

  “I am,” she answered sincerely. “The best one I’ve had in . . . a long time.” Or ever.

  “You seem more relaxed than I’ve seen you in a long time.”

  “Relaxed,” she repeated, then turned once more to face Corey and the kids who’d almost completed their launch pad. Was the feeling that had taken hold of her the moment she saw Corey yesterday relaxation or something more? It certainly wasn’t anything she felt often, and yet something she remembered, something she’d hoped to get back to, at least subconsciously, something she now associated with this place, these people, and something just over the horizon.

  “Hey, Elise,” Corey called. “Want be the first one to try our jump? You can show the kids all your mad speed skills.”

  She laughed and shook her head. “It wouldn’t be polite for me to show you up on your own turf. Besides, I don’t want to make anyone feel inferior after everyone’s been so welcoming to me today.”

  Corey stared at her for a few seconds, her smile wide and her cheeks rosy from the cold Elise no longer felt through the warmth her amber gaze sent spreading through her core. “Are you sure?”

  “Positive,” Elise said, as she found a name for the feeling she’d been trying to put her finger on. “I’m happy right here.”

  • • •

  “What time do you want me to pick you up tomorrow morning?” Paolo asked as he gathered the coats he and Holly’d brought with them.

  “I guess we’d better be on the road by seven.”

  Holly and Corey gave a little groan, but he nodded. “Do you need to go back to the dorms?”

  “No, I was there yesterday, and Corey and I packed up all my stuff to leave from here.”

  They’d also made use of the dorm bed and then the shower, but Corey didn’t feel the need to advertise that fact. What happened at the training center could stay at the training center, but sometimes the best way to wind down after an intense workout was with another workout.

  “Did you go to the gym today?” Paolo asked, with forced casualness.

  Elise shook her head, the long, blond locks of hair falling down in waves over her shoulders and back. “No, just the slopeside session on Mount Hank. Why?”

  “No reason,” he said, but even Corey could tell the answer sounded a little strangled. “That was a good workout. You’re turning more evenly on your rehabbed knee. Did I tell you one of the coaches even asked me which knee had been hurt because he couldn’t tell a difference in the way you moved?”

  Nice redirect, Corey thought, but he’d have to think faster if he wanted to outrun Elise’s mind.

  “Yes. You mentioned it at the time, but what aren’t you telling me? Why does it matter if I went to the gym today?”

  “I wondered if you’d talked to any of the team officials.”

  “I would’ve told you if I did,” she said, then let out a heavy sigh. “Like you would tell me if you talked to them.”

  Paolo glanced at Holly, who shook her head. “Don’t look at me. I can’t help you here. I’m only glad to know you’re terrible at keeping secrets.”

  “What secret?” Elise asked, her voice so icy even Corey got a chill, or maybe the chill came from a sense of foreboding of what he’d say next. They’d had such a glorious week together, living, training, making love as if almost in a dream state where nothing bad could touch them. Now she feared they were about to face a rude awakening.

  “I didn’t get an official meeting,” Paolo said slowly. “I don’t have anything to tell you on the record.”

  “What about off the record?”

  He rubbed his face and sighed. “The good news is the fourth Olympic slot is still open in both the downhill and Super-G.”

  “Why is that good news?” Elise asked slowly.

  “Because it means you still have a chance to win it.”

  “A chance?” Elise exploded as she whirled around as if searching for something to smash.

  Corey felt torn between the urge to soothe her and to get the fuck out of her way. Thankfully, Paolo tried to throw himself on the grenade first.

  “It could be worse. After your DNF at the first race, some people wanted to write you off completely.”

  “Are you trying to make me feel better?”

  “Elise, please,” he pleaded. “Your doctors said you wouldn’t make it back in time, the coaches said you wouldn’t make it back, and then when you said you’d made it back, you didn’t finish the race. Two weeks ago they all looked right past you, but your top-twenty finish made them stop and think more harder. They could’ve made the decision this week. They expected to, but they didn’t. This is a good sign.”

  Corey saw his point, but now that she understood Elise’s absolutist relationship with success she found it harder to appreciate Paolo’s baby steps approach. She’d hoped Elise would win a reprieve from the pressure for a while before the Olympics, but instead it had multiplied.

  “You have one more race before they announce the teams,” Paolo said resolutely.

  “I have to win.”

  “No, you have to have a top-ten finish,” Paolo said as if resigned to laying everything on the table now. “Top ten and you are on the team. More lower, maybe you get the spot or maybe someone else does more better and they get the spot.”

  “I can’t control what anyone else does,” Elise snapped. “I have to control my results.”

  “We’ll do everything we can,” Paolo said. “But we can’t do anything more tonight. Rest, relax, enjoy your time with Corey. We’ll have a ten-hour flight tomorrow to discuss our training regimen and game plan.”

  “Fine,” Elise said in the way a woman says ‘fine’ whe
n she’s absolutely not fine. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  The chill in her voice was almost palpable, and Paolo had clearly heard the tone enough times to respect the dismissal. Holly wasn’t much help either, as she only mouthed a quick and silent “I’m sorry” to Corey before closing the door behind her.

  Once they’d gone, the silence reigned heavy and super awkward over her living room. She could try to crack a joke, but as Elise stood before the big wall of windows staring into the darkness, Corey couldn’t bring herself to make light of the panic reflected in her eyes.

  She walked up behind her and carefully slipped her arms around Elise’s waist. She didn’t melt this time. The muscles in her back and shoulders remained rock hard even when Corey kissed her lightly on the cheek.

  “Come on up to bed,” Corey whispered.

  Elise shook her head. “I’m not ready.”

  “We don’t have to sleep,” Corey said, then worried the comment sounded like a cheap come-on. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not in the mood for. I want to hold you tonight.”

  “I won’t be able to relax,” she said flatly, her tone worrying Corey on a whole new level. Before she’d feared her pulling away, and losing her attention to distraction. While she still hated the idea of spending their final hours together obsessing over a race, now she feared she might actually lose her to something deeper and darker than work.

  “Tell me what you need.”

  “I need to ski faster.”

  She didn’t deliver the line with her usual determined chill, or even the heat of anger. She sounded tired and yet still frantic. The combination haunted Corey as their Christmas morning conversation came rushing back.

  Corey turned her around so they faced one another. “You made a good point earlier. You can’t control the other skiers, but you know you can’t control the past, either.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “You can’t outrun the pain or fear or doubt. You can’t outrun some doctor or coach who said you can’t make it.”

  “I can. I have to.” She tried to pull away, but Corey caught her arms and held her tightly.

  “You can’t will yourself to a win, or a spot on the team.”

  “Yes I can.”

  “No,” Corey said firmly. “You can only will yourself to your best race.”

  “My best race puts me on the team.”

  “Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t,” Corey said, then, seeing the flash of anger in Elise’s eyes added, “On any given day, it probably does.”

  “It always has before.”

  “Yes, but you can’t count on anything being like before, and you can’t count on anything that may happen in the future. You can run the same course three days in a row and get completely different results. The snow is different, the wind is different, hell you’re different, even day to day.”

  Elise didn’t respond, at least not verbally. She only stared at her with wounded eyes.

  “What is it?”

  “I can’t do this again,” she whispered.

  “Again?” Corey asked.

  She shoulders sagged. “Two-tenths of a second.”

  “What?”

  “I was two-tenths of a second from being done with all of it.”

  “All of what?”

  “All of the pressure, the killing myself to be perfect, the doubt and the insecurity and the pressure. Did I already say ‘the pressure’?” She shook her head. “Two-tenths of a second from being an Olympic medalist.”

  “Oh.” Corey finally understood. “You missed the podium in Sochi by two-tenths of a second.”

  “Twice.” Elise sagged against her. “Four more years. I’ve already put in four more years. Four years of work and pain and rehab. Now I have one race standing between me and another four years.”

  Corey wanted to pull her close, to put Elise’s head on her chest, to stroke her hair and rub her back. She wanted to soothe her like a child who’d had a bad dream, but Corey knew the demons chasing her now were very much real. She couldn’t protect her from them anymore than Elise would be able to outrun them, but the way Elise had said “four more years,” as if it were a prison sentence and not a thriving career, had to be addressed.

  “You know you don’t have to do this, right?”

  “Do what?” Elise asked.

  “Anything. You don’t owe anyone anything. Not the sport, not the fans, not your parents. You could walk away right now, and no one would have a right to say a damn thing.”

  “Walk away? Are you fucking insane?”

  “Probably.” Corey laughed. “Probably. But quitting is a valid option for anyone at any time. You aren’t a medical courrier or a surgeon. No one will die if you throw in the towel mid-season.”

  “But I don’t want to.”

  “Really?” Corey asked. “’Cause it doesn’t sound like it.”

  “I don’t want to lose. I don’t want to fail—”

  “But do you want to ski?”

  “I want to win.”

  “But do you want to ski? Because that’s all that matters. You’re so wrapped up in other things that don’t matter, you’ve lost track of everything that does.”

  “You think winning doesn’t matter?” Elise asked.

  “Not if you don’t want to ski. If you don’t go out there every time because you’re chomping at the bit to tear down the mountain, to carve it up and make it your own, nothing else matters. If you’re more worried about what happened before, or what will happen next that you lose track of where you are in the moment, then you’ve already lost. The moment is all you have. You can deal with the next moment if you get to it, but you can’t live there. All you can do is rip the shit out of the chance you have right now.”

  Elise stared at her, eyes still wide but now darker and more focused. Her jaw set and her fists clenched at her side, but she no longer looked like a flight risk. Her chest rose and fell steadily while Corey waited for a response. Finally, Elise opened her mouth, and Corey braced for the argument, but instead Elise caught her by the back of the neck and pulled her forward until their mouths met in a crushing kiss.

  Corey’s head swam with conflicting emotions. Was Elise deflecting? Was she avoiding the argument? She should probably have had those questions answered before responding appropriately, but as Elise pulled her shirt over her head, her ability to reason waivered. Elise then slowly peeled off her own yoga pants, and all capacity for logic went south on the rush of blood headed in the same direction.

  In one last-ditch grip for civility and tenderness, Corey managed to whisper, “Are you sure?”

  “I want this moment,” Elise said in a low, sultry voice and kissed her deeply, then, putting a hand on each of Corey’s shoulders, pushed her down to her knees on the plush rug in front of the fireplace.

  Corey got the message rather clearly, and who was she to deny a woman what she needed, especially a woman with killer thighs and the know-how to use them in a variety of sexy situations. Corey kissed Elise’s legs lightly, plotting a slow trip back up to the beautiful place where they met. Elise, however, had other ideas. Cupping the back of Corey’s head in her hand, she sank her fingers into thick hair, massaging as she guided her forward until they both reached the spot she wanted.

  Corey understood this wasn’t the time for playing around or gentle teasing. Perhaps Elise had taken that live-in-the-moment speech quite literally, because at this rate a minute was all either of them would last, and yet if speed was their game, Corey had more than enough skill to hold her own. Grabbing two handfuls of Elise’s tight ass, she once again gave a passing thought to trying to bounce quarters off those glutes before refocusing and tilting her hips forward. The moment her tongue touched Elise’s clit, they both groaned. Elise tightened her grip on Corey’s hair and used the leverage to both steady herself and set the pace of her mouth.

  Normally Corey wouldn’t be the type to allow someone else to do the driving, but Elise wasn’t like
any of the other women she’d been with. Of course she was strong and beautiful and powerful, but Corey suspected the real difference lay in a more personal realm. She’d wanted to please all her lovers. She took great pride in satisfying them, but with Elise the need to please didn’t stem from her own sense of accomplishment or some misplaced quest for bragging rights. Corey wanted to give Elise everything she wanted simply because she wanted it.

  Giving in to the desire to give in, she used her hands and her mouth to meet Elise’s need. If she couldn’t dissolve every fear and insecurity, she could at least overcome them or overshadow them for this moment. Taking her own advice, she resolved to make the best of the time they had by making it their own. As Elise started to waver, Corey held her fast, wrapping her arms around her waist and helping support her as she rode through the waves of pleasure causing her to tremble. Then, even after easing her down to the rug, Corey refused to let go.

  She clutched Elise tightly to her chest, kissing her hair, her forehead, the bridge of her nose. When she reached the corners of her eyes, she thought she tasted a hint of tears, but it could’ve been the sweat of exertion.

  “Are you okay?” she finally whispered as she settled back to watch the shadows from the fireplace dance along the ceiling.

  “Yes,” Elise said softly. “Are you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I didn’t mean to attack you.”

  “You surprised me, but I can’t say I minded.” Corey snuggled closer.

  “You’re very good at those pep talks, you know?”

  “Maybe I should consider a career in motivational speaking.”

  “Or you should save all your best material for me,” Elise said quickly. “I don’t like the idea of you giving a live-in-the-moment speech to someone else.”

  “Hmm.” Corey couldn’t articulate any response as her heart hammered loudly in her chest.

  “Did I say that out loud?” Elise asked.

  “You did,” Corey said slowly. “Do you want to retract it?”

  “Do you want me to?”

  Corey thought for a few seconds, waiting for some flight instinct to kick in, but when it didn’t, she shook her head. “No.”