Safe Word

  “Are you cold?” Allison asked.

  “No.”

  “You’re shivering.” She hopped up and adjusted the thermostat.

  I wasn’t shivering really. Just my hands were trembling…and I wasn’t cold. I was actually sweating, but there was no way to explain that, no way to tell my best friend why I was so nervous.

  “Hey you two, I’m going to call it a night.” Allison’s partner Kerry rubbed her eyes. “I’m exhausted.”

  “Come on, honey. We’re just going to start a movie.”

  “I’ll never be able to keep my eyes open.”

  “Fine, you old fuddy duddy.” Allison laughed. “Go to bed.”

  Kerry leaned over on the couch and took Allison’s face in her hands without so much as a glance at me. “You know this old fuddy duddy loves you more than anything in the world, right?”

  “And I love you back,” Allison said, touching her forehead gently to Kerry’s. I couldn’t stomach this little display of wedded bliss, so I excused myself before Kerry actually kissed her good night.

  “I’ll be right back for the movie,” I said as I hurried up the stairs.

  Ducking into their bathroom, I quickly splashed some water on my face. “Steady Lee. You’ve got to calm down.”

  I watched in the mirror as the water dripped off my chin into the sink. I stared at my eyes as if their deep shade of blue could somehow reveal something I didn’t already know about myself. A minute passed, then another, but nothing changed in me. My resolve had been set for weeks. There was no more room or reason for self-exploration. I straightened up and dried my face with a hand towel. It was time.

  I opened the bathroom door to find Kerry standing on the other side. She eyed me with a flash of intensity similar to the inspection I’d just given myself. Then, sounding softer and more sincere then I’d expected, she asked, “You all right, Lee?”

  “Yeah,” I said confidently, wondering what she’d seen to spark that question. Surely I hadn’t given anything away. I’d been flawless tonight. Controlled, constant, not too outgoing, not too uptight, studiously casual, as if this were any other one of the hundreds of nights we’d spent hanging out.

  “Okay.” She nodded. “Have a good night then.”

  “You, too.” Then I scooted around her and down the stairs.

  “Romance or comedy?” Allison asked without looking up.

  “Whatever. It’s your turn to pick.”

  “Are you sure? I think I picked last week.”

  “It doesn’t matter. You have better taste than I do.”

  Allison laughed. “That’s true.”

  That, and I don’t care about the movie because we’re not going to watch it.

  “Why don’t you go make the popcorn?”

  “Sure.” I jumped up, eager for another chance to escape. I needed to buy some time. Time to compose myself, time for her to relax, time for Kerry to fall asleep. Moving confidently around the kitchen, I grabbed a pan and the bottle of oil out of the cabinet, then lit the burner on the gas stove. The movement of the mundane task was soothing. How long had it been now? Five minutes? It would be at least ten before the popcorn was ready. Thankfully I’ve spent enough time with the two of them to know Kerry was a swift and sound sleeper, and she’d said she was exhausted. But still, I couldn’t get over-anxious.

  Finishing the popcorn, I poured it into one big bowl and carried it back into the living room.

  “What’d you decide on?”

  “Romance. A girlie one.”

  I feigned a grimace.

  “Don’t give me that look. I know you love them. You just let me pick them so you can pretend to be tough.”

  I grinned. “You know me too well, but remember that goes both ways.”

  “Whatever you need to tell yourself, stud.”

  “What? You don’t think I know you as well as you know me?”

  She gave me a playful smile. “Maybe.”

  “Maybe?” How long had Kerry been in bed? Fifteen minutes at most. Was that long enough? Fuck it, this was my chance. “I know you better than you know you.”

  “You think so?” She was being coy, and I liked it. I’m competitive and stubborn, especially when challenged. It turns on something primal in me.

  “I do.” I sat down on the coffee table, inches in front of where she’d positioned herself on the couch. “I know you find it sexy when I go barefoot with my blue jeans.”

  She smirked.

  “I know you and Kerry haven’t had sex in six months.”

  Allison rolled her eyes. “We’re not seventeen anymore.”

  “I know your fantasies always lean a little bit rougher than your actual experiences do, and you regret that you’ll never get the chance to live them out.”

  “No fair! I was tipsy when I told you that. You can’t count that.”

  I rested my hand on her knee. “I know you’re too polite to ask for what you want, but you resent that Kerry’s never acted on the hints you keep dropping.”

  She laughed nervously. “Fine, you win. Best friends forever.”

  I shook my head. I wouldn’t let her play that card. “I know your safe word is ‘sailboat.’”

  “Lee...”

  “Your safe word is sailboat,” I repeated, “but I also know you’ve never even considered using it because you’ve never had the right buttons pushed.” I put my other hand on her other leg, this one more firmly. “And I know you’re not going to use it tonight either.” A beat passed. “But you’re seriously going to think about it.”

  “All right Lee. That’s enough.” She started to rise, but I moved quickly, catching her by the shoulders and pinning her down. She was several inches taller than I was, and if she got to her feet, it’d be nearly impossible for me to overpower her. If I kept her down, I had a much better chance of battling her adrenaline rush. I had surprise and speed on my side, and I planned to use them both.

  As soon as her back hit the couch, I pressed one of my knees between her legs and lunged forward, forcing my lips against hers. She didn’t give in, but I’d known she wouldn’t, so I was ready when she tried to push me off her chest. When her hands slammed against me, I caught her wrists in my grasp and held them together. I quickly tried to pin them over her head, but the move threw me off-balance, and she started to pull them away.

  Damn it. I knew she’d been lifting weights, but that move always looked so easy in the movies, I’d thought I’d be able to pull it off. I had to recover—and now—or she’d free herself. I dug what little fingernails I had into her wrist, and instead of trying to lift them, I forced them down into our laps, using the momentum of my body weight and my upper position to hold them in place. I was just about satisfied that she couldn’t move her hands anymore when I felt her nails scrape along the inseam of my jeans. She may have been trying to scratch me, but she wasn’t getting anywhere through the denim. The only thing she was going to do down there was—she gasped right on cue, letting me know she’d felt the outline of the cock tucked against my thigh.

  I smiled, though my mouth was still firmly clamped to hers, as she ran her fingers upward trying to gauge its length and girth. I enjoyed the way her body stilled under me as she processed this latest surprise, but I couldn’t lose this moment. Her defenses wouldn’t be down for too long. I swiftly hooked my arm around her shoulder, and with one sharp tug jerked her upper body sideways so she fell flat on the length of the couch. I came down hard on top of her since I was still holding her wrists tightly to her body, and my lips roughly pressed to hers. She immediately began to thrash again, but it was too late. I’d secured my position and was able to allow gravity to take some of the strain off my muscles.

  I set to work kissing her in earnest now. I’d be a liar if I said I’d
never thought of this, though in my early imaginings I’d envisioned softer kisses in which she melted against me. Now she tried to force her mouth closed and rigid against me. I pushed my tongue against her lips, prying them apart. If this was how she wanted it, then this was the way I’d play it. And this was the way she wanted it. I was certain of it.

  Or…nearly certain.

  No, absolutely certain.

  There was no room for doubt now. Allison wanted this. She needed it. I needed her to need it, or I wouldn’t be able to go on. Jesus, shouldn’t she have given me a sign by now?

  She continued to fight beneath me. Her body tensed and twisted as she tried to squirm away. She arched her hips in an attempt to buck me off, but I used the move to slide her ass further onto the couch, dragging a leg up with me. The shift further weakened her ability to resist, and I lowered my hips squarely between her thighs. Thrusting upward and grinding into her, I let the reality of my position sink in and felt her concentration lapse. Her lips parted, giving me access to her beautiful mouth.

  God, I’d dreamed of that mouth for years.

  She whimpered and ran her tongue along mine just once, a subtle precursor to surrender, then began to struggle again. It wasn’t much, but it was the sliver of affirmation I needed from her. She might not be ready to make peace with what was happening just yet, but I was on the right track.

  Emboldened, I lay down more fully on top of her, allowing me to free one hand, which I used to work the thin material of her t-shirt up along her side. Between balancing myself, holding her hands, and working the shirt up between us, it was a slow process, but I was enjoying the tease now. I ran my fingers along the bare skin of her side, tracing along the curve of her waist and over her ribcage. I reached her bra and ran the tips of my fingers under the wire at the base. She had amazing breasts, full and large and so damn tantalizing. I palmed one cup of her bra and pulled it roughly down, freeing her breast in one rapid move. This time she gasped, her breath catching as I found her nipple and rolled it between my fingers.

  She wasn’t kissing me back, not by any standard, but her resistance was weakening. Whether from pleasure or exhaustion, I couldn’t say. Under other circumstances, I could’ve spent all night playing with her breasts. Her skin was silky smooth, and so responsive, but this wasn’t an evening for savoring. This was a time to take, to consume. I tugged forcefully on her other bra cup and went straight for the nipple this time. It was hard, another small sign that Allison’s body was ready for this even if her mind wasn’t. I wanted to lick her, to suck her, to touch her everywhere, but I didn’t trust her not to scream if I moved my mouth from hers. She wasn’t sure she wanted this yet, but I was.

  Moving my hand reluctantly from her breast, I scratched down her abs and stomach until I hit the waistband of her sweatpants. This was going to be another tactical challenge. She was way too tall for me to get her pants all the way off without breaking the contact that held her down, and while the material was thin, there was no way I could rip it. I’d just look like an idiot.

  Shit, I couldn’t worry about looking like an idiot. Focus.

  I had to focus not on the barrier, but what lay beneath. That was all the inspiration I needed to put myself back together. My breathing was labored, not because of the exertion but because of my arousal. I tugged one side of the sweatpants over her deliciously curved hip, then ran my hand over to the other side and did the same.

  The new wave of exposure renewed Allison’s will to fight. She wiggled free one of her hands and swiftly punched me on the side. It was a weak, grazing hit from a bad angle, but it was enough to raise my natural competitiveness. I was in control of this scene, and she needed to get used to that. I shoved my hand harshly down the front of her pants, sinking my fingers into the thick curls I found there. Clutching firmly with my palm against her mound, I ground my hips down on top of my hand. The pressure got her attention, and she stopped trying to hit me long enough to shake her head.

  Crap, that was a no. She couldn’t say no with my tongue jammed down her throat, but she clearly shook her head, the universal sign for no. It wasn’t her safe word though. Then again, she couldn’t say the safe word if I didn’t uncover her mouth. Holy shit, I was inches away from touching everything I’d dreamed of. I could take it with the slightest movement. Now was not the time for my fucking moral compass to assert itself. This was supposed to be what she wanted. I mean, she’d never said she wanted it from me, but she’d more than hinted. She’d told me about her fantasies more than once, in detail. That meant something. It had to. It had to mean she wanted this. And damnit, even if she didn’t want this exactly, what about what I wanted? I wanted her so bad I couldn’t contain my need any longer.

  My fingers twitched, inching closer to her sex. My body didn’t give a shit about her safe word. I was in control of this situation, and my body was in control of me right now. I slid my hand down, cupping her fully, the heel of my palm pressing against her clit. God she was hot, and she was hard, and most importantly, she was wet. I exhaled heavily against her mouth, relief surging against animal arousal. I circled my palm hard against her and she rocked her hips slightly to meet me. I was lost in the feel of her seeping between my fingers. God, I wanted to taste her, and more than that I wanted to fuck her. I wanted to push her knees apart and pound her until she blacked out. I had to get inside her now. I lined up my fingers at the entrance to her body and drew back, wanting her to feel the full impact to me when I slammed into her.

  Then I stopped. It was just a momentary lapse of awareness, but it was enough. I still hadn’t given her a real chance to stop this. I’d told her I knew her safe word, but I hadn’t given her the opportunity to use it. Did it really make a difference at this point? I’d pinned her down and pushed my hand into her pants. I’d felt everything, and there was no going back. We’d gone way too far. I’d gone way too far. I couldn’t simply pull off and say, “Okay, want to say your safe word now and go back to watching the movie?” Hell, we couldn’t even go back to being friends. I hadn’t actually been inside her, but that seemed like a pretty fine line to walk.

  Oops, my bad. Sorry I robbed you of your right to control your own body, but just on the outside, right?

  If I was going to do this, why not go all the way? At least I’d enjoy myself.

  No, I wouldn’t.

  And even if I would, this was never about me. All evidence to the contrary, this was about Allison, and me losing sight of that fact for a second didn’t actually change the fact of what I’d come here to do. I had to put this back under her control. She had to know she wasn’t powerless. Still, I didn’t want to blow the scene either. This wasn’t the time to cuddle up and ask, “How did that make you feel?”

  I pulled off quickly and slipped my hand tightly over her mouth. The sight of her thick and glistening on my fingers was enough to make me lose my concentration as I breathed deeply to revel in the scent of her. But the question in her deep brown eyes drew me back to the task at hand. I lowered my head and licked her neck, biting and sucking as I worked my way up to her ear. When I reached my destination, I paused to whisper hoarsely, “I’m going to move my hand just long enough for you to say one word. Do you understand me?”

  She nodded.

  “And you know what that one word is? The one word that stops all this?”

  She nodded again.

  “If you say anything other than that word, I’m going to fuck you until you pass out, and then I’m going to keep fucking you until I pass out.”

  She visibly shuddered.

  “Do you understand me?”

  She nodded, and I took a deep breath, steeling myself to act accordingly no matter what her answer might be. Then giving a mental count of one, two, three…I lifted my hand off her mouth.

  She glared at me for a heavy second while I held my breath. Then in a low but forceful shot of bravado, she said, “Fuck you.”

  It took everything I had in me not to buckle under the wave of r
elief and excitement that crashed over me, but I was too hot to fall apart now. Slipping back fully into my role for the night, I sank my hand into her hair and pulled back hard, exposing her delicious throat. “No, Allison, I’m going to fuck you.”

  With that I bit down on the sensitive flesh of her neck. I reveled in her vulnerability, thriving on the feel of her body pinned beneath me. Trusting now that she wouldn’t bolt, I let go of her wrist, just using my body weight to trap her hand between us. I flipped open the button of my jeans easily enough, but working the zipper down was more awkward with our bodies still pushed together. Thankfully, I was past the point of caring about being smooth. This was supposed to be rough.

  I fished the strap-on out of my jeans without taking my pants off, then pushing down the waist band of her sweat pants again, I slipped my hand inside, but this time I didn’t stop there. Clutching a handful of her underwear, I yanked down hard, pulling them far enough to expose her fully. She gasped and fisted a handful of my shirt, tugging at it weakly. She was fighting to keep up her struggle, but I knew she’d lose that battle once I got inside her. I wasn’t sure what I was looking forward to the most, seeing how long she’d last, or feeling how sweetly she’d surrender.

  I grasped the cock with my fist around the base and ran the tip up and down between her legs. She squirmed underneath me every time I hit her clit. I pushed a little more firmly with each pass until I finally settled at the entrance to her pussy. I allowed myself the luxury of easing off Allison’s body just enough see the head of my cock slip deeper inside. I couldn’t be sure, but it felt like she was holding her breath as I pushed slowly and steadily inside her, burying the strap-on in one long thrust. Then I waited. I wanted this to be rough, but not painful, so I gave her body a chance to adjust and gave myself a moment to summon some energy for the next phase of this adventure.

  Then, pulling nearly all the way out, I slammed back down, my body landing harshly against Allison’s. She let out a sound that was a mixture of a gasp and a shriek. I quickly covered her mouth with my own again, muffling all the subsequent sounds she made as I began to thrust more seriously. I couldn’t get enough of her. A surge of greed rushed through me. I had to feel more. I pushed my tongue in her mouth, and the little minx bit me.